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heavenly44
08 September 2018 @ 09:07 pm
The last few days has been emotionally taxing. Taking care of an aging parent who has an acid tongue and dementia is so hard. I also have nosy relatives who I am about just done with. I've got two of them off and I'll keep adding to the list because I don't need their toxicity. Honestly, today had a cry and husband called from his work trip and it was exactly what I needed. It's just all so hard.
Sometimes I just want to be 15 sitting in a field reading a book with not a worry in the world. I miss those days. 
 
 
heavenly44
21 August 2018 @ 07:07 pm
This summer has been very relaxing, but a total a flop in terms of getting any real writing done. I just haven't been in the mood. I don't know if its my constant state of anxiety or the lack of desire to do anything substantial. But, I just haven't accomplished much this summer. I also can't tell if I have gained or lost weight. I feel like I lost some but its shifted to my belly and thus my earlier weight gain is more visible. I just hope I stick to my workout routine this year. I just find dieting so hard so I am opting for switching out what I eat on a regular basis for healthier variations. Like no more basmati rice and wild rice instead. I just grew up in a carb heavy culture and changing my lifestyle choices is hard. But, I want to start small. For no other reason than its affecting my health and stamina.

I just hate that I am constantly questioning my body. I have had children. It's not easy. But, even before the kids, I struggled with belly fat which always plays with my sense of self. I know that I should just accept my body but I can't.
 
 
heavenly44
31 July 2018 @ 05:08 pm
It's very late at night on July 31 and I'm only a third into my het big bang entry. I might have to reduce my fic to little bang, but I really want to hit the 20,000 word count minimum. It's just so hard to find the time to write or the motivation. But, in that vein I decided to slowly move over my ffnet account to AOS and I realized that I wrote WAY too many Dan and Serena fics and have a decent number of reviews. It's a strange fandom that I still get defensive over. I mean I loved what was once the second biggest ship before they decided to swap out Serena for Blair. But, I also think that Dan and Serena are largely undervalued and underappreciated. I still don't think the intention of the final twist was to demean the pairing or make it seem so problematic. It's why I still sort of resent the twist. But, that doesn't take away from its inherit value. But, I think a lot of fandom folks have turned into SJW while completely ignoring the problematic aspects of their favs. It was the DS fans who were the first to point out that Chuck was  scuzzbucket rapist that shouldn't be trusted. Also the bolstering of Nate who wasn't just an idiot a lot of the times, but an asshole in his own right. Well none of the characters were really very nice.

Anyways enough of my weird GG ramble.

I have recognized that I seem to be drawn to messy relationships that some like to label toxic. Should I invest in a shrink?
 
 
heavenly44
29 July 2018 @ 03:41 pm
This trip was supposed to be relaxing, but it's just been a big pile of unneeded stress. I guess that comes with trying to rent out a property. People here are just a pain in the ass. I don't understand the culture, I'm not made of money. I just inherited an old house that I then used the cash part of my inheritance to fix up. The first two week were nice, but after that......

I have not gotten any more writing done in the last two weeks and I still have tons of red tape to take care of. I am hoping to get some writing done in the next ten days.
 
 
heavenly44
20 July 2018 @ 03:06 pm
I had so many goals for this summer. Being my last trip to East Africa, I was going to have help with the two youngest and plenty of time for writing. Reality: Lots of sleeping and running after the youngest cause she hasn't taken to the new babysitter.

I wanted to do this big bang and work on my novel. But, at least I am getting the big bang stuff done.

The lots of sleep has been nice. Not gonna pretend like it hasn't been plus.
 
 
 
heavenly44
02 April 2018 @ 08:31 pm
snagged from ragnarok_08

You pick a fandom and I will tell you:

my favorite female character
my favorite male character
my favorite book/season/etc.
my favorite episode (if it’s a TV show)
my favorite cast member
my favorite ship
a character I’d die defending
a character I just can’t sympathize with
a character I grew to love
my anti otp

My fandoms past and present are: Gossip Girl, Gilmore Girls, Felicity, Shadowhunters, The Flash, Dawsons Creek, Younger, Jane the Virgin, The Good Place and Riverdale.
 
 
heavenly44
01 April 2018 @ 09:39 pm
So I finally finished bingewatching Younger and it is such a cute show. I can't wait for it to come back in June. I was super into it while watching, but now I'm like meh. This is my problem with bingewatching. I get so immersed and than immediately enter meh land.

So, I found this great tumblr with writing prompt and they had this one prompt about meeting in a cafe and UST and bam I was able to write a good 700 word which is great considering, I haven't written a word in two or three months. At this rate, its going to take me another 4 years to complete this frakking, but I can't give up on it because I am so in love with these characters. Nikki feels like she is a part of me. Same with Alain.

So, the Shadowhunters is back and I still haven't finished episode 1. But, I'll get to it hopefully by next weekend.

I am caught up on Riverdale and I'm just not as excited about the show anymore. I still enjoy Bughead. But, Veronica and Archie are annoying the crap out of me.
 
 
heavenly44
22 March 2018 @ 06:58 pm
Last weekend, I saw Black Panther. Boy was that an experience. It was truly a larger than life film. For me it was so empowering to see African culture represented in a positive way. Some of the storylines were a little OTT, but I appreciated it so much. Even the villain was intriguing. I totally love T'Challa. He is such a great character. I hope they make more Black Panther movies.

In other news, this last week has been so busy at work. We are organizing an Art Exhibit for the kids and my team teacher is being extra as fuck as per usual.
 
 
heavenly44
11 March 2018 @ 04:28 pm
Bingewatching is always such an interesting experience. At the end of it, I am on a high and convinced I ship X and Y only to realize two weeks later, I'm not as crazy about them as I thought I was. It happened with the Good Place and a bunch of other shows I've binged lately. There still is something to say about week to week and character investment. The delayed gratification really makes you care about these fictional people in ways a bingewatch just can't do. Maybe its for the best because I really do not need another hardcore ship. Too many highs and lows.
 
 
heavenly44
01 March 2018 @ 10:06 pm
First of all welcome to any new friends I made from the friending meme on maybe lj. I went back to work and everything just seems so much harder now that the kids are getting older. I am just tired all the time. I did have my iron levels aren't the greatest, but not dangerously low. So, I think I am going to start taking a multivitamin regularly. I have finally reached that age where I look younger than I feel. Although sometimes I feel parts of me sagging that shouldn;t. I am think its time to go back to the gym, but I hate those machines. I am going to do it anyway. No more fucking around making excuses.

On the plus side, I love my job. It's just tiring. The kids are adorable and make me want to embrace my inner child..

Fandomy stuff: I just binged the good place and I love it. I have so many ideas for chidi/eleanor fics, but I can't be arsed. I just started vidding again or learning to do so using imovie.